sunday night and i'm enjoying the long weekend in philadelphia. my fiancee is a little pissed off at me for simply not putting up with her too much. seems like everytime we go thru this same phase of what we like and dont like, its blows up in my face. That being said, i have been thinking of the concept of death lately. sure i'm scared as hell, but sometimes (and i do mean just sometimes...like those twilight hours that one is not sure about being awake or asleep) I feel that I can see myself go under. Is it like a deep sleep coming over you? a sleep that you cannot stop ? is it a fear that takes over your body while every instinct knows that this is it..the end of ones existance? not sure...but as earlier this week, I realized that I will turn 30 this year and saw some kids playing hoops in the street...thought to myself..this is what life should be like...just fun, carefree and no malice. every day that passes you by, its another reason to make yourself happy because time is working against you. depressing isnt it? but the reality is that we cannot stop it. im still looking to believe that there is life after death, i want to see myself be born again...except...right now there is not much hope that we can come back another day. (PS: im not depressed, i end up thinking things too seriously sometimes)

Its friday, and i'm back home in philly working on some client stuff. The past few days have been spent wondering how people can be vicious in their work atmosphere..am dealing with this IT director at my client site who's a complete *****. Use and abuse they say, but this one takes it to a whole new level. Seems to me this person stops by for advice all the time but there's no credit given where its due. Ah well, I guess I should start believing in karma and hope that payback will occur on its own terms.

Back! Finally after a sabbatical of five weeks (where I had the time of my life), and now fully charged (months later) to start posting all over again. Well, the war in Iraq and the general world situation is depressing. Sometimes I want to disagree with pre-emptive strikes but....I was in NYC on 9/11 and I felt the fear of terrorism....which pretty much means.."you gotta do what you gotta do to get the bad guys"...simplistic isnt it? ..more on that later

Wednesday - November 20th 2002

5.00 am:
The usual...living in Philadelphia and working in NYC.....being a management consultant has its pitfalls but every once in a while I get the opportunity to "work" from home. Today is NOT that opportunity. Waking up at 5.00 am has taken its toll on my life in the past 4 years.

Whine whine whine....thats me these days in a nutshell. Oh well, I suppose the past pay cuts and uncertainty of today has left me with little or no motivation.

6.30 am:
Well the drive from Phila to New Brunswick NJ is always uneventful and so is the bus ride from there on to New York city. The trusty ole car is starting to groan after 170,000 miles (sometimes I wonder if its me the car is groaning at??)...oh well.....

11.30 am
Grooowwwl...thats my ole stomach telling me "Ok big boy, time for some scrumptious lunch". My fiancee has decided that I need to eat healthy, so here goes...salad....unsweetened ice tea...boring.

3.30 pm
Still working on the usual client pursuits trying to sell some projects. Can't help my mind wandering off to the new Mandrake 9.0 linux version and when I will get a chance to try it. The weekend? Maybe.

7.00 pm
Just in time for the bus back to New Brunswick and back home at 9.30 pm. Foods in the frig, dinner..ahhh...no TV tonite. Want to play Counter-strike. I seem to have lost my skills these days.


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Thursday - November 21st 2002

5.00 am
The usual......prior post. My day never seems to change. Only this time I'm up thinking all about my trip to India. The day after thanksgiving.
My parents would be psyched to see me , as I will be them. In fact this is the first time in 6-7 years that the whole family will be having dinner together on Christmas day.

This time around though I plan to maximize my time with my dad, who has been the beacon of thought in my life. Someone I grew to love and respect and nothing can change that for me. Mr. Iceman himself....someone who can hang with the boyz and yet be harder than nails when push comes to shove. I hope I can be like him someday and earn the respect of people around me.