What I really want to say

A month of disappointments,
and 12 years of despair,
you, a dirty whoring mistress,
me, your customer in that chair.

I'm looking above the muddy windows,
and grasping for reed,
fresh scents as the wind blows,
there must be some place for my breed?


I want to turn back and spit in your face,
and say things so vile,
its a marathon not a race,
and relationships i wont defile.

I will turn my back and walk off,
into that setting sun,
too long have I been your cash cow,
Fuck you, so long, and its been fun

Well Written

To Remember Me By Robert Noel Test (1926-1994)

The day will come when my body will lie upon a white sheet neatly tucked under four corners of a mattress located in a hospital busily occupied with the living and the dying. At a certain moment a doctor will determine that my brain has ceased to function and that, for all intents and purposes, my life has stopped.

When that happens, do not attempt to instill artificial life into my body by the use of a machine. And don't call this my deathbed. Let it be called the Bed of Life, and let my body be taken from it to help others lead fuller lives.
Give my sight to a man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby's face or love in the eyes of a woman.

Give my heart to a person whose own heart has pain.
Give my blood to the teen-ager who was pulled from the wreckage of his car, so that he might live to see his grandchildren play.
Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine to exist from week to week.
Take my bones, every muscle, every fiber and nerve in my body and find a way to make a crippled child walk.
Explore every corner of my brain.
Take my cells, if necessary, and let them grow so that, someday, a speechless boy will shout at the crack of a bat and a deaf girl will hear the sound of rain against her windows.
Burn what is left of me and scatter the ashes to the winds to help the flowers grow.

If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weaknesses and all my prejudice against my fellow beings.
Give my sins to the devil. Give my soul to God. If, by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you.
If you do all I have asked, I will live forever.

15 years and counting

I'm tired of this life,
there's no reason
why I should continue to fuel this existance
I'm worn out by this struggle, to make ends meet
Yet, unable to find my calling.

I'm around because of you,
I know my exit will break your heart,
I'm around because I want to protect you,
from everything bad, and sinister out there
I live, and yearn for our times together.


--- this one's for you my dear - you are always missed, wish we could spend more time together!

Family trip in canada

shuttled over to toronto to see my sis and niece over the weekend - long ass bus journey but must say very economical on megabus! had a lovely time with the family, usual food, beers, arguments and horsing around like we were a bunch of kids :)

Getting back into it

running, eating healthier, running some more. Feels good.

The Runner

I see you, staring back at me from the mirror of my mind,
Love, for the miles, the breathlessness
Fear of not doing it everday
Determination to drive myself more through life's mess

When I run, I'm free,
Like mercury on wings of desire
Fleet footed, must be my mind
As Morrison said, C'mon baby light my fire

The Move

Been all over the place for the past few weeks. Went to India for 5 days, meetings, meetings and more meetings. The highlight was meeting my mom in bombay, attending Palm sunday mass with her and then seeing her again for good friday and holy saturday. Small pleasures in this hectic life we lead.

Back to Boston - Philly madness. Home today (on a tuesday and thats unusual) and packing to move to the new place ! Excited Yes! Stressed Yes...More to come.

The last week of travel

monday: atl-boston
tuesday: boston-wash dc-boston
wednesday: boston-raleigh
thursday: raleigh-philly

i need a life!

Back in the US

India (Mumbai/Kolkata) and then Paris .... finally back to the grind in the US..tax time too!

Merry Christmas

To all of you :) What a great year it has been thus far!!!

Older Budweiser

37 today, wonder if i have 10 miles in me? already woke up with a creaky knee!!!


12:14PM: DONE IT....10 Miles 89 mins, proud of this accomplishment...feel tired tho...

i know my better half will be proud too :) this one's for you my dear..your old man can run!!!

Funny Shit

just landed at philly airport after a fantastic steering committee presentation. am sitting here waiting for my sweetheart to show up and here goes a stupidly funny ad i saw:

Updates

OK, some updates from the recent past:

Wife leaves town for a period of a little over three weeks and here's what I had been up to:

Weekend 1:
Friday: Stayed back in boston at the westin waterfront. friday started out with a drink with our current cambridge clients, proceeded to eat some crappy food and drown a few beers...
Saturday: Woke up late, omkar over and we hang at chinatown for dim sum, watched the movie "Red" -- fairly funny and then on to Oishi sushi for dinner with the turk and omkar, followed by drinks at Post 390 in boston
Sunday: Low key. spent day at omkars apartment eating shwarma and washing clothes, more discovery channel

Weekend 2:
Friday: Flew out to columbus OH to meet keith and family. what a great time seeing them all over again. dealt with some work issues over the phone while sipping beers @ keiths place. Burgers and hotdogs for dinner over the bbq, Had a wierd neighbor of keiths stop by and bore us to death. Went to bed by 1030
Saturday: Late morning leaving keiths place, whitecastle for burgers as was our old ritual followed by my first experience shooting guns -- 38 revolver. Went from nervous to overconfident to nervous again as a bullet ricocheted off the target holder. Came back to keiths, terri had made some fantastic ribs and beans..more beers.
Sunday: Spent the day at Leighner Farms (Sp?) picking pumpkins as was their family tradition prior to halloween each year. shot some pumpkins in the air...light fun day followed by Lasagna at keiths place

Weekend 3:
Friday: Flew back thursday night, did the client orals on friday am in princeton, drove down to participate on the wharton business panel. Picked up omkar at 30th street around 8pm and headed to Genos for cheesesteaks...omkar was blown away by the spices. Scotch and beers at my place followed by the movie Beerfest
Saturday: Spent the am taking omkar shopping to banana republic, amrut shows up around 4, grumbles about tea, drinks some tea, grumbles that we are watching too much tv. deborshi around 7pm, beers, chicken, tilapia and egg bhurji (a-la omkar)!!!
Sunday: late start to day with amrut and omkar. amrut eats some pulao and leaves around 1pm saying he has a migraine (he doesnt drink tho). omkar and i head down to genos right before he gets on the 4pm bus...couldnt think of a cheesesteak as omkar walloped his down...came back and ran a 5 miler after a week of fattiness!!!

Weekend 4:

Wife gets back wednesday, i see her in atl thursday...am excited to be reunited with my better half again!!!

Columbus

hanging out with an old friend and his family after 6 years, what a wonderful time to reconnect. i miss my wife though :)

Sunday

Spoke to my sweetheart this morning, was good to hear her voice. Now she needs to pick a name for the family kukkur :)

Ran a 5er this evening, will wrap it up with some kababs and a nice glass of the Corte Majoli Valpolicella Ripasso that I opened last night.

Cant wait for Friday am to hold my best friend and partner-in-crime in my arms again !

Labor Day Weekend

Start of a long weekend, plan to get my running back on track so to speak...time to heal, rejuvenate and get back to normalcy of exercise.

--and i miss you!

*Sigh*

I've been at home for the past day recovering from this food poisoning and as I start to find my strength come back, it leaves me with memories of you and me in Goa, just talking and goofing around as if we had not a care in the world, oblivious of the inevitability that our parents are aging and will require full time care. But that's neither here nor there. I woke up early this am, with thoughts of you and that this will be a long weekend that I will be spending without you in Philly. Ordinarily I'd joke about it and say that its time to myself, but the older I get, the more I realize that the only real time to myself I enjoy, is the time I get with you, all to myself. I miss you and want to see you back home next week, I look forward to picking you up next fridayat 5.30 am at Newark airport. Consider it the labor of my love for you.

Back to the US

flew out last evening to bangalore and en route at some shit on the kingfisher airline food. started with the bad stomach, cramps, vomitting, and shivers almost an hour after i landed. was miserable until i saw a clinic @ bangalore aiport and they prescribed (Norflox TG). Sat on the plane to paris miserable, two blankets, an aspirin and shivers all the way to deGaulle. Sitting at the aiport right now waiting for my next flight to NYC---this is not good. i feel drained.

Reuniting with Bombay...

A botched flight schedule combined with a first class upgrade, some lost luggage and a seemingly missing blackberry set me off in the wrong direction, but, DAMN was it good to be back.

First glimpses of the rainy streets leaving the airport, the stench of the slums: of poverty and hopelessness and yet, the ability to find laughter in the childrens faces as they played in the street at 2 am, aware yet unaccepting of it all. Their situation just the tip of that iceberg called life, where things for 99% of them was all downhill..ending up as a beggar on the streets, a brown sugar addict or basically someone connected to crime and the underworld. The other 1%, well, still waiting for that slumdog millionaire story in an unforgiving city filled with desis looking to take advantage of you or push you out of the way at every corner in life and on the street.

Was great to see the family, especially my mother, with whom I've had a love-hate-love relationship with. I feel her vulnerability as she hits her 67th year. She's lost some of her edge, that nastiness that permeated our relationship where she was unable to connect with her children. We still see shadows of that through the unorganized way in which she has so far (and yes successfully) led her life. My sister, whom I worry about all the time, overweight yet has the energy of a 19 yr old kid, made me real proud that she finally joined the gym and stuck to the schedule. One can only pray that she continues to do so as i'd like to have her around for a very long time to come. Finally my niece, a sweetheart of a kid but I'm starting to suspect that she sees me as Mr. Money while asking for her super expensive gifts that her parents cannot afford. I've already drawn the boundaries on the IPhone 4, getting her a motorola droid instead...she needs to understand that stuff in life is "earned" not just "gotten".

Ah yes, the city...out for a run monday morning. a straight sprint down to lands end to see a guy pooping on the beach, dropping a huge load of shit as io stretched and tried to take in the morning rays of the sun (of course, we're facing west so no real sunrise there). Sprinted back as fast as I could to get away from the sight I tried desperately to get out of my mind. On the way back, realized that this street at bandstand had so many memories, of days and friends gone by. Friends who I thought were friends but were not really !

Sue, Nasser, Mellu and of course dr. ritesh: was great seeing you all. Nasser, kudos on your success, you still stay the same person i've known since 1981 and i continue to be in awe of the way you have accomplished what you have. Sue: to a great friendship and a fake new york accent (as you would accuse me of!), its been awesome seeing you again. Mellu: I love you man (its been 25 years as friends), but please stop saying "my wife" every two sentences. Even my mom was laughing at dinner, snickering that you must be 'just married'. Finally, the good doctor: We picked up where we left off almost 15 years ago my friend. Between your succcess, family and our ability to stay friends 20+ years, two continents apart and share that trust we once had, those 10 beers were awesome. My head and body didn't think so the next day, but, what the heck...just like it was in Satara and Karad yes? The good ole boys, their motorcycles and no money. I distinctly remember no money because we alternated between Super Doctor rums, cheap cigarettes and 1 litre fill-ups on petrol in our bikes. Ah bach! And coming closer to 40, we're both blessed with lovely wives, great families and the quest for running ... you a Nike guy, me , a mix of Asics and Reebok gear.

My wife gets in today, 9PM. more bad news on the family front...he's fathers brother is not doing well with a malignant cancer of the colon and failing kidneys. My trip to goa might be cancelled as Calcutta takes precedence in this case. The outlook is not good, but I think i can rationalize by saying that he has lived a full life to the ripe old age of 90. More later....

This morning

ooh oooh and i ran today, and lifted until my arms could no longer take it. Feels good, full of energy after a hectic half-days work at the client in princeton, lunch with the client and a former colleague (shannan) and then rushing off home to leave my wife a nice note in my absence :)