Woke up and am all alone. Waiting for my wife to get back this evening from Thailand. Decided to listen to some old (??) 80's music. Did you ever experience this? Everytime you listen to a song from the past, it links you to a certain time and certain place with certain people? Right now listening to "Angel Eyes " by Wet Wet Wet, gosh its been forever since I heard: "....The saddest thing I've ever seen on my tv screen Was a dying man who died for his dream Toughest thing I've ever heard Was that new-born scream in this naked world...." ...". Wierd, all of a sudden i've discovered my time machine, i'm back in 1988, still in high school hanging out at Bandra playing soccer. Riding a bicycle, sipping golas at Juhu beach, and yes starting to discover girls. Ah how the heart flutters..dire straits and mark knopfler, its all coming back to me now.
That mixed up with going to Junior College and starting to discover the "ways of the world" have seriously led me to believe that I certainly have a chapter to contribute to "Mi Vida Loca"
Here's what I'm listening to right now:
Dire Straits - Money for nothing/twisting by the pool/My Parties Kool & The Gang - Fresh Erasure - Oh L'amour Wet Wet Wet - Love is all around/Sweet little mystery/Angel Eyes Morrissey - Suedehead Pet Shop Boys - Go West/Always on my mind/C'est a vida est/Rent/West End Girls/Domino dancing Bryan Adams - Straight from the heart/Do I have to say the words/Heaven New Order - World in Motion (I LOVE this song)
This world this life this language Serve nothing but to express the feelings of oneself and ones being in existance, in breath and words
These feelings, those memories, the days gone by one can look back and only repent either for those that could have been changed or those that could be relived somewhere
These relationships, those moments, those secrets shared,loved,remembered and unspoken of for what its been worth in this round of a lesson or truth learned. ~
Was out last night at the Grey Lodge in Philadelphia with a buddy. Had a couple of Troeg's Mad Elf beers. Was a nice experience. Came back and was quite heady with the alcohol content of the beers. Note to self: Never drink two pints of 11% beers.
Woke up this morn to wish the family a merry christmas and was pleasantly surprised to receive an email from my wife (who's in Thailand right now) for the same. Couldn't help but think of my dad..we used to wake up early and make tea / idlis (for those of you who know). Merry xmas pops, i know you're up there watching.
Don't ask me why, but as a kid i've always been a World War-II reader. It's just fascinating to see a war fought across so many continents, a war with so many casualties and yet today the world doesn't know any better.
Was on Banksys website and read the following excerpt from the Imperial War museum there...very very depressing...
An extract from the diary of Lieutenant Colonel Mervin Willett Gonin DSO who was among the first British soldiers to liberate Bergen-Belsen in 1945.
Camp
I can give no adequate description of the Horror Camp in which my men and myself were to spend the next month of our lives. It was just a barren wilderness, as bare as a chicken run. Corpses lay everywhere, some in huge piles, sometimes they lay singly or in pairs where they had fallen. It took a little time to get used to seeing men women and childen collapse as you walked by them and to restrain oneself from going to their assistance. One had to get used early to the idea that the individual just did not count. One knew that five hundred a day were dying and that five hundred a day were going on dying for weeks before anything we could do would have the slightest effect. It was, however, not easy to watch a child choking to death from diptheria when you knew a tracheotomy and nursing would save it, one saw women drowning in their own vomit because they were too weak to turn over, and men eating worms as they clutched a half loaf of bread purely because they had to eat worms to live and now could scarcely tell the difference. Piles of corpses, naked and obscene, with a woman too weak to stand proping herself against them as she cooked the food we had given her over an open fire; men and women crouching down just anywhere in the open relieving themselves of the dysentary which was scouring their bowels, a woman standing stark naked washing herself with some issue soap in water from a tank in which the remains of a child floated. It was shortly after the British Red Cross arrived, though it may have no connection, that a very large quantity of lipstick arrived. This was not at all what we men wanted, we were screaming for hundreds and thousands of other things and I don't know who asked for lipstick. I wish so much that I could discover who did it, it was the action of genius, sheer unadulterated brilliance. I believe nothing did more for these internees than the lipstick. Women lay in bed with no sheets and no nightie but with scarlet red lips, you saw them wandering about with nothing but a blanket over their shoulders, but with scarlet red lips. I saw a woman dead on the post mortem table and clutched in her hand was a piece of lipstick. At last someone had done something to make them individuals again, they were someone, no longer merely the number tatooed on the arm. At last they could take an interest in their appearance. That lipstick started to give them back their humanity
Got this email...the usual Nigerian scams now it seems have moved their bases to singapore..YAWN...or as Napolean Dynamite would say "IDIOT!!!"
MR.MARK D. ANDERSON AFC MERCHANT BANK # 17-01,BANGKOK BANK BUILDING, SINGAPORE 069546. Email:admark00@yahoo.com.sg Dear Sir, Compliments of the day! I got your contact on my private search for a reliable and trusted person to handle a transaction of this nature. I know that the contents of this mail might sound so strange, but I want to assure you that every word of it is true.I am Mr.Mark D.Anderson, credit officer of the AFC Merchant Bank.I have a concealed business suggestion for you.Before the plane crash of macedonian's president and his cabinet members on February 26, 2004 , our client Mile Krstevsk from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs,macedonia and also business man made a numbered fixed deposit for 18 calendar months, with a value of Nine Million,Six Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only in my branch.
You can visit this website: http://antiwar.com/deliso/?articleid=2043
After his death it was also discovered that Mile Krstevsk did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including the paper work of his bank deposit. And he also confided in me the last time he was at my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in my bank.So, Nine Million,Six Hundred Thousand United State Dollars is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward to claim it.
What bothers me most is that according to the to the laws of my country at the expiration two years the funds will revert to the ownership of the Singapore Government if nobody applies to claim the funds.Against this backdrop, my suggestion to you is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand as the next of kin to Mile Krstevsk so that you will be able to receive his funds.
WHAT IS TO BE DONE: I want you to know that I have had everything planned out so that we shall come out successful.I have contacted an attorney that will prepare the necessary document that will back you up as the next of kin to Mile Krstevsk,all that is required from you at this stage is for you to provide me with your Full Names and Address so that the attorney can commence his job.After you have been made the next of kin,the attorney will also file in for claims on your behalf and secure the necessary approval and letter of probate in your favor for the move of the funds to an account that will be provided by you.There is no risk involved at all in the matter as we are going to adopt a legalized method and the attorney will prepare all the necessary documents.
Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue.Once the funds have been transferred to your nominated bank account we shall share in the ratio of 70% for me, 25% for you and 5% for any expenses incurred during the course of this operation.Should you be interested please send me your private phone and fax numbers for easy communication, you can write me via my private box thus(admark00@yahoo.com.sg) and i will provide you with more details of this operation.
Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated. Kind Regards, Mr.Mark D.Anderson.
Been volunteering with my friends at The Enterprise Center that supports minority businesses and is located in West Philly. Had a harrowing drive from my client site in NJ down to Philly last evening and an equally challenging task of resolving an Exchange server problem. Thanks to Mike & Hector (you know who you are), its all done now. Came back to the apartment to watch the MNF game and fell asleep before the 2nd quarter even started...gonna check the scores in a bit
Uhm its been a rainy week and very boring outside. I did wish my wife Shubo Bijoya and her family too . was kinda happy that I did rememebr. Moments like this make me realize that I sometimes get caught up in life and need to do way way more for people that I love and care for from the bottom of my heart.
For some reason my dads been on my mind today. I saw the movie "Crash" and it made me think of human interactions. The way my father made me feel in life, someone capable, someone who was my rock of gibraltar. Of course my wife has taken that role as a companion, i miss my dad boatloads though. Right now, I'm riding thru this journey hoping to see him again.
Fast becoming my favorite band because of their unique music, read an birthday quote from one of their band members: Murdoc (Text from Gorillaz official website) Of course I think its pretty prolific except fro the "Hail Satan bleh part"
"Sooner or later we all discover that the big moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these. You were born an original. Don't die a copy. There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval. So mine's a double and I'll see you all in hell suckers! Hail Satan. The Niccals."
Monday morning, 6am, we have decided to work from home today. The weekend was fun, ended up in NYC under the pretext of buying a Motorola Razr cheap in chinatown, ended up having some great soup dumplings followed by some double expressos in little Italy - What a crazy combination. Got some new(??) Ella Fitzgerald CDs and plan to work through listening to them today..also have Duke Ellington in the back of my mind this morning.
My wifes happy with her new gadget, the poor girl had been putting off buying a new phone for the longest time coz of our schedules. Glad I could help her make that happen.
Been catching up with an old friend in Bombay online, he seems to have complicated his life a bit...ditched the girl who was s'posd to marry (don't ask me, I don't get arranged marriage either!!!), for someone he thinks he cares about in Thailand. Well, I'm all for love and success, but, in this guys case, he falls in love with every pretty face he sees. Not that he's dumb or anything, but I guess he's genetically designed to be a sucker for a pretty face. That, leads him to a lot of crazy situations. Of course, he blames me as the catalyst, "Hey man, every time you visit Bombay, my love life gets turned upside down!", well, well! How on earth am I responsible for you thinking with the wrong head. Here's to you old buddy, here's to success in ending up with a girl who loves and cares for you as much as you do for her (??)
Our cricket BBQ from a couple of weeks ago went really well..pictures posted Cricket BBQ 2005. Guess which one is me!
Also, been very intrigued in graffiti art these days, (being a cartoonist myself), check out Artcrimes and Banksy's website..nice stuff.
Just got back from Goa. Was a nice trip away with family to do our quirky things together. Namely, fighting and arguing at a location outside of Bombay :). The rains in Bombay did cause our flights to get cancelled and all roads etc to the city were closed down. Thankfully a friend (You know who you are) helped us get some special tickets thro' his contacts and we were able to return. My heart goes out to all of those who lost their loved ones and homes in the terrible rains that came down on this city. Bombay will always be where my heart lies.
Had a fight with the wife over things that she just doesn't understand. Penned my thoughts around these:
"The Nothingness"
A strange wind sweeps across my being, one of emptiness and fear inside The apprehension of all that is near, yet, afraid to abide.
A thought drops into my mind, the splash heard so loud and far Inside of me, a feeling of abandonment, a feeling of not knowing who you are.
The creation of state of mind a that of being within so far escapement from that which holds us to the bonds of anger
Time, heal the victims of life And situations with it Time, watch my days go by And me with it.
A small speck on the wall of this world, a small factor in its function all i want is to stand near the one i love with conviction
If salvage exists in a way I understand, if redemption happens in compromise I wish that you would reach out your hand, and together we reach for the skies!
Its my dads 1 yr death anniv and i find myself making the long trip home on an air india flight back to bombay. The journey itslef is the most tiring part of it all, and finally getting home to hug my mother and wake up my lazy-ass sister and niece (or godchild if you may), is a pleasing experience.
im up and about the very next morning (jetlag) only to crash and burn around 3pm. Its dads death anniv on the 13th and well, we do the usual homage including a mass in his memory, and flowers etc. The best part of the trip (if there is any redemption to be had in the sadness) was getting to clean out his grave with my bare hands. It felt like I was taking care of him all over again. A simple task like weeding out plants and creepers left me feeling satisfied, some sort of closure I guess.
Spent a few moments by his grave, praying that he's in a better place (tho i have no doubt about it). I feel much better now, my sadness is starting to wane, i will always miss him, but somehow, in some warped way, going back to "see" him made me happy (i was expecting tears - none came - just a sense of calm and warmth).
Back to the family grind now, will be visiting Pune on the following monday and possibly my college in satara.
Met an old friend Asif last night in Newark Delaware. Don't know why or how i agreed to add a hundred more miles to my daily commute to meet this person. Actually referring to someone from my childhood past as "this person" is hardly a way to do it. Had a great time catching up on the whereabouts of people, success stories or therof lack of it in some compadre's lives.! I'm looking forward to my trip to Bombay (jul 10), looking forward to seeing my dads grave and spending some time with him there, looking forward to seeing my immediate family and going thru the daily routines of yelling and screaming (as we're all pretty loud), and looking forward to coming back and being with my lovely wife again.
As a kid growing up in Bandra, I was always fascinated with the world of Archie comics (pre-MTV era of course). The whole "Riverdale", living in a houses as opposed to us living in boxes called apartments, an ultra liberal/progressive society and mainly, having fun..it always warranted for me thinking that grass is greener on the other side.
That part of me can never die, being the son-of-a-bitch capitalist that I am, somehow the innocence of growing up believing that there was a better life for me out there, somehow, believing that I can make the world a better place, somehow, hoping that I could make a difference, it has all come to this: Life takes over and you plunge in feet first. Between the career paths, the late working hours, the new country and new life and essentially growing up, you realize that the one thing you cannot change is your essence. I always wanted to be a hip-kid (I guess the fact that I WANTED to be one ensures that I never could be), now I'm on the other side appreciating the indian culture so much more. The values (yes, I know im pontificating at this point), the family loyalties (and the pains that come with dealing with unwanted relatives) and being Indian, its something that I wouldn't have any other way.
I hope to come back to it all day, especially reliving the innocence and the friendships that were once forged, reconnecting with those from my past, reliving moments that we possibly could never have done any other way (remember bunking the repub day parade in 1989? Or reading magazines in class) and most importantly remembering those that were once with us, be it family or friends.
We always thought that we were the young guns, try going to a club right now and it feels like we're over the hill, mainly because we are. Are we turning into those parents who once said "Arrey baba, don't live you're life like that, listen to us, you will one day realize our words"? Are we really? I guess the twilight will come someday, where will we all be then? Would it really be a second childhood? Would I be ready for it? Lots of questions, the path goes on.
