Arguments

hate it when these arguments and verbal exchanges happen. makes me question everything.

6 years

6 years to the day you went away,
wounds not open, but still hurts a little dull,
i look up the the skies, and see all that blue,
and know, its just traces of you.

~~~Miss ya dad! We will meet soon, I promise.~~~

Brian Whalen Remembered

3 years to the date since you passed. I still owe you that steak dinner at Arthur's steakhouse in morris plains for helping us move after the fire. You are missed bud!

Back to back runs

....and a 4 miler today (34 mins)....i feel good and healthy today.

Running

the running, lifting continues...

ran a 10K this am...54 mins. not too shabby

Happy Father's Day

Celebrating yet another fathers day without you pops...there's good days and bad days, today is a bad day ... I seem to be watching the FIFA world cup alone, and thinking about you! I can almost smell the pork and sanna on a sunday morning like this one as you yelled at me "Arrey...Have your tea its getting cold" :) Its been 6 years and i thought it would get easier, it doesn't...

FIFA

been watching the world cup, and truly am having an exciting time catching up on serious football. Although most folks don't like the sound of the Vuveleh's ...i LOVE it. It adds to the madness and the fanfare that the players need to anticipate. Last i heard, the french team was so bothered by the noise...well thats so...french I suppose.

Ran a 2.75 (intense interval training) on saturday, a 5 miler yester and a 3 miler today...mixed with some serious lifting. Definitely not headed for a sixpack given my diet (of overly rich food), but then again, I don't need to pick up chicks at the beach!!

Atlanta Fridays

raining, and more work to do... cant wait to take a break from all this madness next week.

Food poisoning

Ok so I shouldn't have eaten all those roasted old edamames....but man the nauseousness and sickness that followed from sunday through wednesday didnt help...

New 5K PR

25:32. Nuff said.

2 Clients - the saga continues

another *hard* week has gone by. woke up this sunday am, finally feeling like i've caught my breath. cant' wait to get out to the keys in a couple of weeks for some sun and fun with my partner in crime and best friend :)

Home Again

I think I'm losing my mind, its been a week of driving over 1000 miles to get from client to client and then to firm internal poop. Its saturday and i havent run in two days, need to do a 3-5 miler today.

Exhausted - Time to recuperate

The last month or two has been terribly exhausting. Somewhere between the running, lack of real vacation time on weekends, and managing two clients simultaneously, i reached my point of exhaustion last night.

Went to bed around 6 pm, woke up by my sweetheart around 930 for a late supper, crashed again and now its 730 am...i feel rejuvenated, i need one more night like this (hopefully tonight) to be 100% again.

Quote

Ok, so i'm not a devout catholic but something that caught my attention was Psalm 144:1

"Praise the LORD, who is my rock. He trains my hands for war and gives my fingers skill for battle."

There's someone up there looking out for me, us. Finding the strength to succeed in life, relationships, marriage, friendships, family...thank you again.

Month of updates

so whats the story here? have i lost my touch with updating the blog or am i just too busy? I think its the latter. the past month has flown by and here's the highlights

1 - I continue to run, still averaging between 15-25 miles per week depending on how much drinking happens during the week and how i generally feel. today was an exception as i did a 5 milers (42:38).
2 - Hosted dear friends from australia. was really nice to meet them and hang with them. the kids were lovely but "full on" as my buddy put it. bottom line: no kids for us right now given how high maintenance kids can be *yeah yeah all you parents can tell me what joy they bring you and i do think you are entitled to your opinions. but just remember, opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one and they all stink*
3 - two clients: one in billerica and one in cambridge. my life is a joke trying to keep up with both of them
4 - most weekends in atlanta now. sorry i couldnt help you move to your new home bud, but thats just the way it rolls

Happy weekend :)

Friday March 19

Ran my next PR 5k: 25:40. Took everything out of me, dont know if i can ever cross that point

Friday

Back in atl, working on a statement of work, tired, brain not really functioning. Somehow managed to run a 5 miler with side-stitches and then lift some weights...always an escape from the crazy consulting lifestyle there.

Taxes this weekend, aaargh!!

Ran a PR Last night

5k, 25:46. Nuff Said. I'm ecstatic, now to bring the times down to 25 and below...

Friday Evening

Terrible weather and an evening without groceries (managed with the dal + radish). It was all made worth it when we sat down on the couch and i got to cuddle ya over a Rutherford Hill...reminds me of why we have 14 good years together, still feels like day one for me :)

Another Day

Crazy Crazy day at work...ended at 930 PM with my fave cabbie Said picking us up at Cambridge. Wrapped up a call with the R10 team, and the second wind caught on....ran a 5K, quad and hamstring extensions, stretches.. exhausted.

Bunch of european business travelers in the elevator, all creeping away from sweaty me...couldn't care less...listening to Aenima by Tool...the words are so right.

"Some say a comet will fall from the sky.
Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves.
Followed by fault-lines that cannot sit still.
Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits."

Yes, dipshits :)

Feb 2nd

its your birthday, and in my heart you are 71 old man... :) and im older too, i guess we'll be seeing each other soon. i miss your company, i really do. happy birthday dad.


I havent quite forgotten you
time has helped heal the pain
you are but bones and dust now
still, without you happiness i feign

These days that come by
memories, of happiness in my life
can they be relived ever again
or has it gone by and its only right?

I cannot close out this ode
and to it i will return
every year on this day
for your guidance i will yearn!

Best 5K Run Today

Hit my PR: 26:08. started running at 7.0, ended at 8.2 exhausted :)

Poetry again

This ones for you my dear, may you always remember us well:

if i were to die tomorrow,
let it be known today,
that I have loved you, selflessly,
every single day

if it all came down and,
if this world were to end,
you should be the first to know
you have always been my best friend

if things turn sour,
and grey skies cloud our sights,
dont you ever doubt
that together, we'll be alright

if our lives take different paths
and we can no more be together
all i can say, that in our times as one,
i will love you forever

Malaysia

today is the day of the trip. Ive spent the past 4-5 days in and out of bed basically sick from a sore throat and the shivers. Yes, "oink" was the first word that popped into my head given that everyone has the swine flu. Doc says its acute laryngitis and that I will be ok. I still feel like crap though and am wondering how i will survive this flight. Of course the company of my lovely wife always makes things look up, so thats one avenue :)

ok, so checked out on client project, checked in mentally for malaysia. My gps is loaded with maps of malaysia and singapore. will be seeing my sis n mom there for 5 days or so. hoping for a nice vaca.

JJWS - Pehla Nasha

Was searching for some AR Rahman music and came across this oldie...brings back some fun memories from college with Ramesh, VK, and Vivek...broke as shit but watching hindi movies on saturday afternoons sucking down some rum that we would secretly smuggle into the theaters or even a smoke by the door...



Ah to be young, stupid and careless again :)

Boston Logan

Sitting at Boston Logan, 6 pm and wondering what was that AD that I loved the other day...yes...YOU/HTC




Now thats what I'm saying "and you trying to remember, and you, are trying to forget". Don't we all have that in our lives?

Aicha

from some time ago, still a magical song

Comme si je n'existais pas,
elle est passée à côté de moi
Sans un regard, reine de "Saba",
j'ai dit Aïcha prends tout est pour toi

Voici les perles les bijoux,
aussi l'or autour de ton cou
Les fruits, biens mûrs au goût de miel,
ma vie, Aïcha si tu m'aimes

J'irai où ton souffle nous mène,
dans les pays d'ivoire et des baignes
J'effacerai tes larmes ou tes peines,
rien n'est trop beau pour une si belle

Aïcha, Aïcha écoute moi,
Aïcha, Aïcha t'en vas pas
Aïcha,Aïcha regarde moi,
Aïcha, Aïcha réponds-moi

Je dirai les mots les poèmes,
je jouerai les musiques du ciel
Je prendrai les rayons du soleil,
pour éclairer tes yeux de reine

Aïcha, Aïcha écoute moi,
Aïcha, Aïcha t'en vas pas
Aïcha,Aïcha regarde moi,
Aïcha, Aïcha réponds-moi
Refrain

Elle m'a dit: "Garde tes tresors,
moi je vaux mieux que tout ça
Des barreaux sont des barreaux, même en or
Je veux les mêmes droits que toi
Du respect pour chaque jour,
moi je ne veux que de l'amour "

Comme si je n'existai pas,
elle est passée à côté de moi

Sans un regard, reine de "Saba"é,
j'ai dit Aïcha prends tout est pour toi

Aïcha, Aïcha écoute moi, Aïcha, Aïcha écoute moi
Aïcha, Aïcha t'en vas pas, Aïcha, Aïcha, regarde moi
Aïcha, Aïcha réponds moi, Aïcha, Aïcha écoute moi
Aïcha, Aïcha t'en vas pas, Aïcha, Aïcha, regarde moi
Aïcha, Aïcha répond moi, Aïcha, Aïcha écoute moi
Aïcha, Aïcha t'en vas pas, Aïcha, Aïcha, regarde moi

is this as good as it gets?

im starting to wonder about life, in general and more specifically. was there another reason other than working for a living that we have been put here. while i'm a big believer in focusing on the quality of our relationships that we share with our loved ones, families, friends and the overall good deeds one can do, i find that im more consumed with the moment at work. work drives my schedule, my life and my ability to live without the constant worry of not getting a task accomplished. i wonder, is this really as good as it gets?

Running

Yawn, 6.03 am, awake just to test my hurting heel with a run today after a week. here's keeping fingers crossed that i can do it

The News and Then Some

So, didn't hear anything about moving forward careerwise this past month as I suspected, it migth have been put on hold. Had a call last night with a senior person and she was able to describe to me the whys and whats that are holding up the situation.

Needless to say, after the initial disappointment, a strange calm came over me when I realized that I don't define my life by these guidelines. Call it a losing consolation prize, but, in my head, all the money in the world wouldn't compensate for the time well spent with the person I love. You know who you are because you read this blog from time to time and wonder about my dark poetry.

Ok I'm updating now

Okay, so i've been away from this blog for a little bit now. Its just that I went thru a phase of trying to sell some follow on work to a client who wasn't buying anymore and the well went dry for a bit. Fast forward into July and a phone call from a colleague set me up with a new client (biotech) in boston. I love this city, staying at the starwood hotels makes it even more fun. Somewhere between a tough client, a good team and even better leadership, it makes it all worth it.

One complaint though, the commute is a killer. Seems like every rainstorm, wind or happening of god, has an effect on the flight and traffic patterns back to Eagles country. That, and not getting to spend time with my wife anymore, or should I say, as much as I like. Okay, well that two complaints, but then again, last time i checked, this is MY blog isn't it?

Remembering dad

You passed away 5 years this day and I remember standing by your bedside as you breathed your last at 7pm IST. I still miss you, and I still cherish the time we have spent together. May your soul rest in peace. Don't forget, I'm looking forward to seeing you again in this afterlife.

NYC

Caught up with Anil, Jeff, Jimmy and Sandra at the Legend Bar in NYC (33rd and 5th). Had an excellent evening seeing old classmates :)

Thanks to Vix that I had a place to crash, saw some of my old negatives he's been scanning and WOW those brought back some serious memories....


The running continues...managed to get some decent running in so far:
Saturday 5.5 Miles
Monday 3.25 Miles
Tuesday 3.125 Miles
Wednesday 3.5 Miles

The ole treadmill now has 509 miles on it, started the year with 195 or so miles on it, so between wifey and me have run over 300 miles since January...not too shabby!


Ahhhh!!! Now I can enjoy Atlanta and not feel too guilty about this ...

Mind of a schizo?

ever wonder if there's another side of you? perhaps living in a parallel universe? ever wake up in your sleep hearing someone say something only to look around the room and see that theres no one around? if your not afraid, then why is your heart pounding?
_______________________________________________________

I'm changing, and I'm confused,
Starting to question my sanity
Am I one, or are there many
sides to my being? Inside me.

I'm honest or I think I am,
malice, remorse and then some more
frustration, fear, uncertainty,
and then there's you!

A lurking evil, or a good side to me?
My alter ego, freedom outside the chains of this world
An entity that I cannot deny,
from you, I want to be free.

Disturbed, I hear your screams in my sleep,
You are calling my name, yet there is no one around
It must be me, my madness and me,
from you, I want to be free!

What a weekend of work outs

Its been a super memorial day weekend with Rohit and family joining us. Loved the lil ones running around and being able to play at dave and busters (and football outside). Somehow between the unhealthy food, drinks and friend snacks, at least managed to stay on course with the exercise. so heres what happened:

Thurs: Ran 5k. Bicycled 8Miles
Friday: Ran 5k
Saturday: Ran 10k (see post below) / Played football outside
Sunday: Played Football outside
Monday: Ran 5k, Biked outside around 6 miles
Tuesday (today) Ran 5k

All in all, i feel good about myself, i hope i can keep this up. Wife surprised me by forcing me to try 34 waist pants (something i havent done since i was 25). Wow, they fit :) still a little to snug for my old fashioned ass but, man it feels good to be down from a 40 waist. Oh and yes, no magic drugs, no miracle weigth loss diets nothing. Just plain ole sweat and toil between the treadmill and the weight bench!

More Running

As you probably know, when I do things, i tend to immerse myself into them. Good or bad. Whether it's having a drink or staying fit. Luckily for the past 5 months, its been about staying fit.

Completed my second 10K run this am. This one was much better. 10k (or 6.25 miles) completed in 66 minutes. So I averaged around 10.56/mile. Whats wierd is that i ran at 5.7mph (or 10.30/mile) all the way, so I'm not sure if the mill was off (or I did the initial slow run for way too long). Either way, this beats my earlier 10K run, and I ran all the way without slowing to a walk.

What a way to start the summer, Memorial day here i come :)

My First 10K

Ran my first 10k today. Did a nice first 5 miles in 55 minutes and then in an exhausted state walked the rest (1.55 miles) to bring it to a total of 77 minutes for 6.5 miles. Calorie count 1002 burned. But i feel good, exhilarated!

making adjustments to my 10K (i.e. 6.25 actual miles) that should have set me at 55+18.33 = 73.33 minutes or 1 hour and 13 minutes approximately. That means my average speed was 5.11 MPH (i.e. 60 x 6.25 / 73.33). Not bad for a first timer!

Running

4 Miles, 40.30 minutes...weight down to 195.2 .. lets see how far i can continue to carry this :)

Running update

what a beautiful warm day outside, or so i thought as i was making a decision to slack off and not run today. And then it happened, 5 miles, 56 minutes for a 198lb guy.. not bad at all. im ecstatic

Running

Been running for the past two months, got my fat ass finally doing around 4 miles @5.5mph. It feels good, I wonder if
a) i can keep up the discpline of running 2-4 times a week and
b) manage to get up to 13 miles by november so i can participate in a half marathon

Hmm... lets see

Sopranos

someone has too much time on their hands and copied every swear word from every sopranos episode.



the sopranos, uncensored. from victor solomon on Vimeo.

Back without you

I've just dropped you off at the airport and walked back into the house with a cup of coffee in my hands...my heart feels empty and achy, even though I know you're gone only for a week, I guess I'll have to get used to not seeing you at home on the weekday evenings now.. i hate that feeling, you are a part of me, and I don't like it when a part of me is gone..even temporarily. The weekend can't come fast enough so I can be laughing with you and doting on you :)

Happy Birthday

You would have been 71 today, and me? sitting by your side laughing over that proverbial beer. I miss you.

AC DC Concert Nov 13th

I was there...WOW..nuff said (the video below is not mine, but someone elses i found on youtube...they had way better seats than i did)

Complexities

This life, one shot, one deal,
and I'm still trying to work through it.
Not sure i understand its meaning,
and certainly not my fit.

A lonely road or the beaten path,
familial obligations arise.
Have we forgotten those who have passed?
Or am i caught up in their demise?


You as a companion of whom I seek more,
always here, a partner true.
Nothing shall i ever ignore,
ride off in the sunset with you.

The madness that is life

I've spent the last two plus months with extended family in town and they continue to be here. Its been exceptionally hard on me (and im sure my wife as well) given that we are so culturally different and htat my mom and her parents are just, well..different. The crazy combination of this nitro-and-glycerine mix along with the restrictions that i personally have to face due to a conservative family is a daunting one. We've had a few unpleasant evenings about this, discussing in our bedroom how we want things to work, each of us with a different perspective and me, feeling terribly unwanted given the language switches and the fact that a certain father-in-law has no room for improvement...its hard on both of us.

Wife's been great this weekend with giving me my space, but I wonder how long this madness will last before it does some permanent damage to our relationship. I'm all for family, hosting and being there for them, or am I? At a junction of your life when you want to take a step back and ponder over what works for you? Is is family values whereby you are forced to deal with people and their eccentricities, or is it yourself, where the madness REALLY begins? As usual, my wandering through life with no real answers.

One thing I do know.. I love her dearly and hate it when shes upset about anything, anything at all. I try very hard to make sure shes happy even if sometimes its a little bit of an inconvenience to me, just to see her smile makes it all worth it. In case there's any doubt in your mind, I'm talking about my wife, so don't let your mind fall into the gutter. This ones for us, to see us through the good times, those grey moments and those especially dark ones involving family, this ones for us sticking it out in the long run and making it work as a team.

deal of the century perhaps

Wanna Save $884,275.01 on an Intel Processor, apparently buy.com thinks so.. ..

George Carlin

Saw it on the news late last night..RIP George Carlin, thank you for making me laugh and think about materialism every time I heard your standup act...

The bucket list

Wife wasnt doing well this week, so we've been renting movies @ home. Just saw "The bucket list" as it was released on DVD today, what a super movie. Reminded me of a certain someone who passed away with cancer, and how he was robbed of his opportunity to make his bucket list.

Here's my 5 minute bucket list (i suppose this will keep growing as I think things through):

• Skydive Once -- This scares the crap out of me (acrophobia)
• Take a trip to Italy (Rome, Tuscany) with my wife, she's always wanted to do this and I derive a lot of my happiness from here
• Help pay for my neices education (perhaps leave her some money to help do this)
• Drive a nascar / F1 car on the track (need for speed!)
• Participate in a life changing activity (by this I mean community service, helping provide vocational guidance to poor kids/families)
• Hit a pub in England, have a pint of some real bitter and some english pub food
• Go to a English Premier League football game
• Meet Sachin Tendulkar (even if it is to just shake hands and say "Hey, I'm awestruck by your ability in the game")
• Watch the Philadelphia Eagles win one Superbowl (well even if im not around to see it, it will be worth hearing the news) -- Update: even if i'm not around, put some flowers on my grave and a picture of swoop / the vince lombardi trophy.. it will make me smile wherever i am :)
  

Graduation Ad in the WSJ Paper

The university finally put the ad out, here goes:

A myth called reality, shadows that hide the face,
mine, is but another one, no differentiator.
Hiding behind that glass, what you see is not always what you get
unless you are that inner circle, i'm watching out, for that inner circle

Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman

Wow what a weekend. Drove up with my wife to cornell to attend the graduation ceremony. Finally done with two years of anguish going thru my MBA. It was so worth it. Photo below with some good friends and their families.

The Light at the end of the tunnel

i'm now faced with a new problem.. i need something to worry about because the last two years of my life have been a partial living hell between the MBA, Work and everything important in life..

P is happy im finally done and frankly so am i. i now have the ability to not be distracted in conversations with her anymore wondering about what paper i have due next...and i promise to make it up to her for being such a great pillar of support while i faced some trying times....

Done with the MBA

Saturday was the final day doing our private equity presentations. Was too tired to deal with much of any drinking when we were done. Ended up on the rented bus that rode us down to NYC. Started off at a pub called Kanvas and it was kinda empty. At this point Joe suggested that we head down to Copper Chimney for an Indian dinner and some Taj Mahal beers. Best suggestion ever. Returned from dinner to meet Martin @ the Cookhouse. Martin and I (with the rest of the school gang) ended up at a club called Lotus. very nice place but way overcrowded for my suburban ass.

all in all, im glad im done. its been two brutal years and my wife has been more than understanding letting me get away with it..thanks babe

End of the MBA ?

the program has almost ended. we have one more weekend session to go and we're home free. of course this is going to be difficult as its the private equity project and requires a huge write-up. that said, our management simulation ended and the professor sent out some thoughts about running a company. thought i'd share with the readers (???)

• Danger of group think – need to think “out of the box” (seek “diversity” – break “Not Invented Here” syndrome) – someone needs to challenge the “status quo” with respect to strategy and tactics

• Note the shifting that occurred in your team discussions over time of energies and focus from “us” to “them” and how them affects our in-place strategy (dynamic strategizing)

• Power of keyboard control – you need to be concerned and work on sharing the sense of control with co-managers

• Importance of recognizing small victories in difficult times (e.g. – getting to positive cash flows from operations, positive operating income, etc)

• You don’t have to “kill” the competition – if you do a good job creating and executing a fundamental strategy (with dynamic adjustments), the competition will fall by the wayside (or at least have limited success). Years ago the Boston Consulting Group introduced the notion that only 2-3 firms can compete over the long run in a given market. While the definition of market is crucial to this concept, it is widely believed to be operative. Jack Welch lived by it.

• Importance of taking calculated risk – winners take risks – but don’t bet the firm unless there is no viable alternative. If the equity is effectively gone, management might as well make negative expected NPV bets as long as they can get their hands on other people’s money. This is why most loans have restrictive covenants – constraints that keep such agency issues at bay.

• You can make good money in mature markets – being new doesn’t always equate to best profit opportunity. One of the best firms was solely in "PROD-X" at the end.

• Economies of scale in R&D – getting the most bang (volume) for your buck (spent dollars that produce saleable products in many markets). Especially in Y and Z, which took large R&D investments each year to remain competitive, being able to sell those products in the EAST, WEST and EC spread those R&D costs over greater volume – making it easier to compete on price as well as quality.

the past week

wow what a week.. between the crisis at work, trip and promo presentation to the partners in boston, catching up with E out there, the return to NYC, boys night out in NYC and finally back into class -- im exhausted.

its sad to know that a lot of people from class will turn into strangers soon, and some will continue to stay close to me. i guess that as i have started to know people better, i've liked them less for their attitudes, behavior and generally lack of any forseeable commonalities in friendship that we may have.

back to boston: nervous as heck while practising my presentation in front of the mirror, but it eventually went well. managed to get some feedback from my mentor and it suggested that things were okay, im happy.. im not the best presenter, but i think the practising helped me this time. it pays to know every slide on your deck!

the evening was equally good, met up with E at the Oak bar inside of the Fairmont Copley and then on to Cleary's for dinner/sandwiches. what a fun evening, even Juan (an old colleague who has since quit the firm) managed to join us for the first part of the evening.

and now.. back in class, its 4.10 pm and im worn out; the team wants to drink tonight but i dont have it in me, im too tired!!!!!

Monday Night Assurances

I'm on a cornell conference call for Branding. Our choice of brands is for Palm Treo, and its a very nice conversation. I'm impressed with my team GGQ, Vinod, Ranjan, Joe, Selom and Mahesh. Good arguments, good content but no real direction.. :)

As for work: tiring day prepping for the leadership meetings. a colleague had a baby last week and he's real cute (the baby not the colleague). amazing how vulnerable they are and how much love and care they need.

Back to the topic of School: I can't go on, its the longest yard. yeah i know, im whining and we're 9 weeks away from graduation, we'll get through this.

In the AM

4.16 am and im starting to wonder if i need to switch jobs. the work has gotten way too hectic for me, and they certainly don't pay me enough to do this anymore. had a great evening with my wife, making mexican food...now to replicate this when our friends visit today.

hoping that today is just ho-hum at work and not too intense, 8 am meetings or what we call the "huddle"..that term is catching up on the team and everyone seems to misuse it. I suppose misuse is also a form of adoption so i should be proud.

Tonight

had a glass of wine today and am sitting at home with my wife. we've made some dimsums and are enjoying our alcohol .. gosh that sounds so bad.. its actually Paneroz Jumilla spanish wine..saw it at the store in Marlton NJ and was rated a 90% by Wine Spectator.

Its been a long day and i'm happy to be home with someone i really care about; work hasnt helped with the large conflict and lack of direction from our so-called leader, but, hes a good guy and means well, so life goes on.

As we move into a new phase of this client project, i'm wondering how i am going to keep up with school (branding, financial markets and private equity) and the testing scenarios that are going on at work. ive slowed down on the alcohol (yeah i know i started this post with a reference to a glass of wine i was currently sipping -- so put a lid on it already!).

Signing off right now, its a nice day, 60 degree outside...maybe we'll go for a walk around 10 pm, after all, its rare (keep fingers crossed about global warming) that we get days like this in the dead of winter....

2008 Begins

Ok, so its a little late to title it that way. Just got done with first on-campus week @ Cornell and its a pleasure to get that over with. The whole class was down with flu and bronchitis and i think i may be the next victim. Already got that sore throat and fever, so lets see where this goes.

Whats happened between december and now? well i grew a balbo-style goatee and only just shaved today after a month. Wife hated it tho, and so did many other folks I knew. Its funny how people said it changed my look... will find some "before and after" pics...

Back to work tomorrow to keep a project on track and a slightly panicky boss, happy....

Back

Been offline for a while and in the meanwhile headed out to Mauritius for a bit, completed the business analysis for a certain university and then finished off my third sem @ Cornell. So far so good.

Was reminiscing on the old days of bandra and realized that Eddy Grant used to be a very popular singer in every maka-pao's heart.. remmeber those saturday afternoons circa 1985-1989 where eddy would blast out on any available stereo?

Here goes:

Tired

Im exhausted. Its been a busy week and its only wednesday. Flew out to Indy and back thru all day meetings monday. Got back home in time to watch the eagles suck like a hoover vaccuum in the fourth quarter and lose.

School work is starting to ramp up BIG TIME. We have a global project item due this week and i will be responsible for gluing all the hard work and research the team has pulled together - I hope not to let them down. Mauritius is looming on the horizon, and i am looking forward to both the team visit as well as having the families visit. I think we will stay at the Villa Latanier. Thanks to you Sly.

80s music again

Listening to some music on youtube, decided to search for some old (well 80s) goodies.. here goes

Noel: Silent Morning


I did think Noel (or Noel Pagan : his real name) was one of the better freestylers of his time (circa 1987) and that led me to check where freestyle has gone....

well, heres Billy Wingrove with Football Freestyle

The weekend

Had some friends over from Virginia. An englisman married to a peruvian / japanese girl. Craig and I have been mates for over 8 yrs now, we met at the job i currently work at (hes since moved on). Had a lovely time with my wife enjoying the company as well, did the whole philadelphia sightseeing, lots of english premier league football... of course bustin on how bad Blackpool was in the Champions league and that they would continue to be relegated...ah, that can piss an englishman off... pics below:

Bharat Rakshak

Was reading up on the Indian army and came across this website I had long ago visited. Very up to date and some great stories of valor and patriotism through the wars of past.

What struck me about this was the one image (which I have copied here, but is owned by the webmaster). The direct link to that image can be found HERE

The slogan of this image applies to every soldier fighting for every free country in the world, including our very own US forces in Iraq.

Lest You Forget Me

When You Go Home, Tell Them Of Us And Say,
For Your Tomorrow, We Gave Our Today.

of Coming out and all that

an old friend whom i had caught up last week with, finally let the cat out of the bag that he's gay. i could feel him wait for a reaction from me, especially since i had zero gaydar on him and always ribbed him about being too picky in finding a nice girl (so much for my helping!!).

we chatted for a bit as he told me how hard it was initially especially being indian, and all the social taboo that comes with it...my only answer was, "man, all i can say is, you have to go with what warms your heart, there is no right and wrong, and society in general has been known to be wrong very many times".

My personal thoughts, congratulations on finding the one you love. do not worry about the people who pass judgement and tell you whats righteous or not. Lifes to short to get caught up with other peoples nonsense when you can find love and peace in your own home.

More crap

Tomorrow is cricket saturday and im hoping to get some sports into my regimen (or should i say lack of exercise). anyway, i found an old clip from the movie Eurotrip .. mi scusi, mi scusi

Nike Cricket Commercial

Suddenly remembered the Nike cricket commercial sung in Konkani when i was in india back in 2005. Found the clip on YouTube, I love this ad, it embodies how important cricket is to india

Random Picture

Whos that handsome man bowling... Nice picture Vikram, love the shutter speed adjustment.

Ithaca and All that

Drove back with Joe late last night from Ithaca. Its been a very hard week with the papers due, valuation exam and consequent 3 am work nights to complete related class work. Did manage to smoke a cigar with Juran one night and get to know the Valuation professor. Seems to be a really nice fella, intelligent as heck and super young for a guy of his calibre. Joe and I were pretty happy to get to know him, as he seems to be outgoing and has the potential to be buddy eventually when this MBA gets done :)

im home now and i can feel the exhaustion of the past week seeping in. it didnt have much of a chance to get noticed because we were running from one deadline to another..one more paper in markstrat to complete and we are done for this week.

here's looking forward to another long nights sleep and then getting back to work.

Funeral and Final goodbyes

Drove up to Nileshs this morning to go attend Brians funeral. It was a sad morning to find a friend going away forever, with no chance of running into each other again during this life.

Sat at mass being one of the three non-caucasian folks there, as Brian would have said "boy you are really out of place here :)", did our farewells, wiped a tear off my eye (after all us macho men dont cry). Spoke to Matt and Chad (his best friends and pall bearers) and of course were able to laugh about everything that defined Brian and his inappropriateness... but a man who could really be counted on to help people.

Here's an excerpt from Brians sense of humor:

Three weeks ago he was helping move us out of our old apartment and into a new one, during the move downstairs, some dude (who was also moving his apartment) came over and struck a conversation with Brian saying "Gosh I'm moving back to Ohio, i hate these moves"...

Brian in his infinite smart-assness goes "Yeah i understand, thats why you should do what i did .. (points to Amrut and Nilesh and goes..) i just hired these Indians to help me out"

The guy was so startled with the statement that he mumbled "No Comment" and sauntered off..

That was Brians humor, i laughed about it all of that day.. i was smiling in the back of my head as i placed my hand on his casket and said goodbye to a friend. he was part of my life for the past 5 years, but he will be remembered for a very long time...Rest in peace my friend, its your time to look down upon us and smile now

Bizarre Turn of Events

Got back home this evening from a week on the road including; Philly, Milwaukee, Indianapolis and Newark in a span of 3 days. JH was driving me back home and i was telling him about how much Brian had helped with driving the truck for the move, helping with the heavy stuff, adding to the humor and then i called nilesh.


The call i should never have made:
Nilesh: Man, I have some news for you
Me: What?
Nilesh: You are not going to believe this
Me: What? You got your green card? You finally proposed to the girl and are planning on marriage?
Nilesh: No, Brian died last night

<...Stunned Silence>
Me: What? Stop fucking around
Nilesh: Dude, his boss Jim and friend George called me to tell me this, I'm still in shock, and to think he has a 6 month old baby
Me: What? What happened? Does anyone know
Nilesh: No idea. But I will find out about the funeral plans


Right now, I'm sitting here in utter disbelief that the one person who lit up the humor in any room, at any party,.. the one person who could actually make you uncomfortable with his crazy comments.. is GONE!

Brian, was 33 years old. Rest in peace my friend. My feelings, thoughts and heart goes out to your family. I hope we can all stay in touch so that someday when lil Isabella grows up, I can tell her what a great guy her dad was.

....tomorrow is dads 3rd death anniversary, i will wake up and say a prayer to you dad. If you do run into Brian on the other side, I'm sure you two will enjoy a smoke together up in that great blue beyond.

The weekend move

Harrowing weekend. Thanks to Brian, Nilesh, and Amrut, this whole move went smoother than i ever imagined. I'm now wondering how it is that we ended up with so much junk in a 1 br apartment until now.

Came home to the apartment to find out that the owner had left some of his stuff. I have to admit that i was a little upset until he came over and told me how badly his move went. We helped him load up the remaining stuff into his car and he drove off sunday night.

its monday morning and i'm aching like a mofo right now. At work, trying to get thru this day and make the most of my sleep tonight.

for you fellas who helped me move, thank you for being there when I needed you the most. For my wife: thank you for the logistics and spreadsheets you put together...if not, we'd still be looking for our stuff.

... and to the truck rental company, a BIG F-you for giving me a 22 foot truck that I could barely handle.

Formula 1 - Weekend

So we went off to the F1 weekend in Indy. What a great trip, 10 hours in a smelly rental car, three guys sharing a hotel room followed by a day in the sun at 101 degrees... No, really, it was a fantastic trip getting to know Thomas ( a danish colleague and friend).

Pictures Attached here

Still sorting out

sunday morning .. lazy day in the temporary apartment surrounded by boxes. i feel like we're part of the Picasso cubist movement here. Fortunately we will be moving to a new apartment at the end of the month, that said, one more move.

Work at the client site is hectic right now, lotsa flux with people quitting but staying on part time etc. Im concerned with some decisions being made but such is the nature of the job we do.

Fire in the apartment

Was kicking off a "Requirements" meeting with my clients this friday morning and my phone starts to ring.. its my wife calling. Put it on mute a couple of times but she kept calling and i think to myself "This can't be good because she never does this".

Next thing i hear from her is that the apartment two walls down is on fire pretty bad and the whole building has to be evacuated. Turns out that something went down in the kitchen (at least hearsay from folks standing around) that caused the fire.

We were allowed in for a brief bit to get our clothes etc but are basically relegated to an empty apartment in the complex. So, net net we're sorta homeless right now. Drove up to my buds place in NY and will be here till monday night to say in the least.

i will upload some apartment pics later, in the meanwhile, the news pictures are here on MSNBC News

and more pictures from the Eddington Fire Department

Royce and the blog

so an old buddy royce said to me today "Royce D'souza: but i still won't so forget - i don't have a fucking mention in your online journal"..



Well here goes royce :) look forward to seeing u december in bombay

Another MBA weekend goes by

Wow, im exhausted. Its been a week of work and then yet another quiz this weekend. I cannot believe that a year of the MBA is almost over (May 13th). Just gotta grind thru the next two weeks with the client "To-Be" sessions kicking off tomorrow and hitting the books for corporate finance's final exam and the one last presentation for business strategy at Cornell....

The weekend, friends and more

What a super weekend its been. darren and i (and padma) spent some time together, then i returned to his ship and stayed over two nights.

Sunday lunch at the officers mess with some good mutton biryani and beers to boot. This followed by a drive up to North Wales PA for tennis and dinner at Amrut / Sonalis place. I still need to figure out why their baby is so scared of me.

Monday night started with darren doing some shopping for his soon to be born twins (you guessed it, huggies)...followed by cheesesteaks at pats.

tuesday, wholly different, headed down to Standard Tap in the northern liberties (on 2nd and Poplar) and got some yummy mussels and andouille sausage for dinner. Some Yards philadelphia pale ale to wash this down with as well.. :)




he's off today, but i must say it was lovely being able to catch up and talk about the old bandra days, catch up on who's doing what and where, who tried to commit suicide, who got divorced and basically how fucking crowded and expensive our old stomping grounds have become..

Bon Voyage my friend, enjoy Galveston and then Morocco....good luck with the babies this august, consider padma and me as well wishers....

end of the fork

So i ended up speaking to the partner who also is a close friend of mine, JH, once again you have put things in perspective for me... i do appreciate it. That fork has ended.

Other than that, met Darren, a friend from bombay who is now a captain of a merchant vessel. he docked into port from west africa yesterday morning, so padma and i drove down to Pier 84 (Phila) to see him. Drinks, Dinner @ Chickies and Petes (the original one) and some real good conversation.

I'm impressed that someone my age is so successful and responsible, and commandeers a vessel like that...kudos to you my friend. its good to see the old bandra boys succeed...

Many forks in the road

im considering an option of going off and doing something on my own in financial services... this close to the finish line at my current job but just a little bored and unchallenged..

next week should provide more inputs on my direction.

class goes on at cornell, a little worn out but keep forging ahead

Ugh!!!

im going through a metamorphisis
one of frustration and dissent
im scared that i'll lose myself
and wonder where it all went

my heart is breaking, in slow motion
i see the world fall around me
i need to find that catalyst
that can set my soul free

i cry, a tear, i felt us so soft,
your tenderness, has turned hostile
i savor those moments of happiness,
yet detest when this we defile

Seu Jorge

Listening to Seu Jorges albums "Studio Sessions from The Life Aquatic" and "CRU"... friggin brilliant music. Never thought David Bowie's "Changes" would sound so enchanting in Portuguese...

New Home Builders Desperate to sell homes

Got this in an email... you tell me how desperate it sounds :)

Feb 2nd - The Birthday

Feb 2nd is around the corner and my dad would have been 69 years old this year. Well, happy birthday dad, will say a prayer for your soul this day. As always, you will never leave my thoughts and my heart.

<====Memories from 1991

Google Earthing myself around

Managed to find my folks place in goa of all places in the world. This is brilliant ...



And our high school in Bombay...gets better

Back in the US

got back early hours of saturday morning from JFK airport - amazes me how there is traffic at all crazy times of the day on the staten island expressway.

some pics that i took with my mom in bombay - notice the backdrop as the apartment is undergoing major renovations and the walls look like crap

E-A-G-L-E-S IGGLES

This is the best news of the year... Eagles win against Falcons 24-17 with AJ Feeley at quarterback. I think we all saw disappointment in the 5 game losing streak this year and the loss of McNabb, I for one was bitching to my buds about how badly they had played, and now to bounce back and be on top of the NFC east..this excerpt from their news article says it all:

"But 10 minutes after the game was over, the players and coaches and everybody was talking about what is ahead. Winning 10 games and bouncing back to win the division was nice. It was welcomed. But the real goal is out there. The real goal is not making the playoffs.

The real goal is winning the Super Bowl.

And the Eagles are alive.

... What did we learn on Sunday? Well, Feeley is a capable quarterback who has a nice touch on the deep ball. He got rid of the rust and blistered Atlanta's first-team defense.

... We learned that Baskett and Avant make plays when given the chance. We learned that Greg Lewis is going to catch passes and make first downs. We learned that Matt Schobel is suddenly a weapon in the red zone."

GO IGGLES

Death of a Dictator

Saw the Saddam Hussain hanging on BBC News today and was really disturbed with the hurry in which they carried out the sentence. I don't think he was innocent of anything, but I feel he should have been tried for all his crimes, that way the execution would not have been a facade...

They hung you today a hurried decision
a life snuffed out, no remorse
the world thinks, a life gone, a better vision
a country divided, yet we stay our course

I saw it go down, I saw your spirit find release
the terror you unleashed is now gone
people scarred thru generations, no peace,
death spread around, but that evil lives on

We've found ourselves in a world with just war
our new paradigm is more violence for evils of old
our pretense for freedom, our soldiers lives
all part of our hidden desires for that black gold

Ah Entero-Quinol

Not one to shy away from talking about bowel-movements, I must say that Entero-Quinol really seems to be doing the job for my stomach infection...keeping my fingers crossed (yet stacked up on toilet paper)

Reflections on the year gone by:

Summary on the year gone by:

i'm doing this for the first time for forgive my writing style on being "reflective", but here's the year as I saw it come by me:

- Successful merger of two japanese companies, through the sweat blood and tears we managed to pull it off as a team
- A happy 10 yrs together with my wife, what a fantastic journey this has been, I am truly blessed to have her in my life
- The loss of $9M of potential client revenue due to being stiffed / undercut by another consulting company
- My acceptance into Cornell for my executive MBA program and subsequent damage to my wallet from the fees
- Our saab breaks down for the millionth time. We've stopped worrying about the inevitable
- Padma's dads health takes a turn for the worse and through some good TLC bounces back somewhat
- Quality time spent with my mom, padmas family in goa
- Stomach flu as I sit here and type
- End of my first semester in school. I have earned the "E" in my EMBA programme.
- The win of $9m in client revenue (this is a super comeback for my team from the earlier loss)

Dinner with Nasser

Met nasser last night for a planned dinner. turns out that we had been trying to do this for the past few yrs with little luck, but, last night happened. Went to the ITC group of hotels by the Hyatt and sat at the Korean restaurant. Started with some lobster appetizers and was in the mood for some Kalbi/ Bulgogi so thats exactly what we got alongwith some mongolian mish-mash and fungus. Bellisimo!!! thats how good the food was. My stomach is still reeling from heavy food but it was so worth the gastronomic experience.

Its caught up with me

It all started after the little bash with Ashok, Narkar, Sudhir, Mellu, Adrian and Sue. My throat was a little itchy the next morning and so was my stomach. I wrote it off to too much alcohol (assuming 3 mugs of beer is too much) and lay down. Then the shivers, then the fever and the stomach infection.
A day later and i'm still laid up in bed, feeling a little better but still under the weather. The Advils, multi-vitamins and immodium hasn't completely helped but i'm hoping to bounce back and enjoy my last few days in bombay....wish me a speedy recovery!

The trip to Padma's folks place in goa

Went over to Padma's place and had a really really good time with her folks. Her mom / dad were super hospitable to mum and me (what with mums craziness and eccentricities) and we really felt welcome there. i cannot even begin to say how greatful i am for everything.

one thing i really wanted to write about is that i feel so connected to Dida. Shes this bubbly old woman who's led her life losing her husband at a very young age an then giving up all meats (not out of choice -- but for tradition). Her smile absolutely captivated me when I met her a couple of year ago, but this time around I had the opportunity to talk to her, laugh with her, eat the cloves that she kept giving me and finally put an arm around her. Shes 80+ something years old and I can say that I absolutely love her for who she is and the affections that she represents for me.

As i was sitting in the goa airport with her, she spoke to me in broken hindi about coming back to see her within the next yr while I tried to convince her to come visit padma and me in the USofA. I hope to see her before she sees me in India..I was very sad when she started to cry and tell me that shes going to be alone once Padma and I leave, i really treat her and think of her as my family and my own blood. Its been only a day and I miss her laughter terribly. Life sucks when you cannot be around those you care about

India - en Route --

okay, this will get posted a little later than the actual write date, but, i thought that I would share some information as i go along on my trip back to india.

Firstly, I detest flying by United airlines..it makes me feel like James Bond. My flight from ORD-PHL was delayed on Dec 15 from 4 pm CST to 11 pm CST. Then the flight sat on the runway for 3 hrs and turned back to the terminal. The reason: Fog in philadelphia and that the flight crew was tired. Did anyone think about the weary passenger who had actually paid for this ordeal? Anyway, they rebooked me on the next days flight back to philly at 9.30 am. Now, note that I had a plane from JFK - Abu Dhabi to catch at 10 pm that same night. My flight from Chicago was sposed to arrive in Phila around 12.30 pm, giving me enough time to extend my apartment lease, pack, get a haircut, do some last minute shopping for mum and any final closeouts that required my attention, including paying of all out household bills (credit cards, utilities etc).

While holding my breath, i realized that the plane was (again) going to be 3 hrs late, so instead of arriving at 12.30 pm, i reached home at 3.30 pm, with very little time to get my shit together. Thank you United.

Run home with a one way rental from Avis, pick, pack and rush to the CVS pharmacy to pick up my prescription meds, go to Dons to attempt to get a haircut but alas, he has a long line and wont get to me until an hour later (which of course given my schedule means no haircut).

5.30 pm on Dec 16th: Grab my bags and rush ot the car, now im wearing jeans and a sweatshirt with sneakers. I've ditched my formal attire on the living room couch and I know wifey is gonna be mad at me for messing the house up in my hurry to leave town. That said, I do the run from Philly to JFK in record time (I'm sure the cops recorded my speed at around 95mph along the turnpike) and manage to (barely) make my flight to abu dhabi. Turns out I have middle seats for the 14 hr flight. *sigh*

I sit down to be surrounded by two individuals, one pakistani kid who grew up in nyc and the other a bangladeshi kid who grew up in Abu Dhabi. We actually made some super conversation and that really shortened the journey. The Pakistani kid and myself had a 6 hr layover in Abu Dhabi, so we managed to grab a beer together at the airport. He's a really good kid and can draw caricatures really well.I wish him luck and success in his future.

The next flight from Abu Dhabi to Bombay is uneventful, i end up in an exit row facing the flight attendants seat. She's a woman from Lebanon and we chat for a bit during those brief moments that they actually get to sit down. Turns out shes exhausted with her schedule as well and can't wait to get back to Beirut to see her mom / dad and family. I know that feeling.

7.30 AM IST: Bombay: Walk out of the Bombay airport with practically no luggage (because I only had a roll on bag and laptop bag). I have few hours to kill before heading on the Indian airlines flight at 1 pm to goa to see my wife and mom. Stop by Bandra(W) to see my best friends mom and have a quick breakfast with them. tried to call my sis-in-law for breakfast but shes not picking up her cell phone -- turns out later that she doesnt accept calls from "unknown" numbers...sheesh.

So i make it out to goa finally and mom / wife are waiting outside dabolim aiport. Wifes dad is kind enough to give me his family car to get around and that makes life so much easier getting around goa.

India, I'm back. I don't miss you very often, but when I come back I realize that you are the void that fulfils my life.

Plans change, everything changes

it turns out on impulse that I have decided to go to india. so now, im flying back from chicago to philly in the early hours of friday morning (returning from work), then have to pack my crap and leave for nyc for a bunch of meetings in teh afternoon. get this, i have to wear a suit to some of these meetings.
well, thank god for a buddy called ryan. im gonna leave my clothes there, switch to jeans and a t (and a sweatshirt), catch a cab to JFK and then head down to abu-dhabi - bombay - goa :)
its going to be 30+ hours of travel (and 20+ hrs in a plane) but getting to see my wife and mom is all going to be so worth it.

Merry christmas y'all, we'll see you in the next year....

Eagles / Giants

Brian called me up yesterday with some season tickets on sale for the Eagles Giants game this sunday. Really good seats at $75 face value a pop. Etims coming down friday to hang in philly with Nilesh and probably Chin too..so once i'm done here, I head up to Giants stadium on sunday (18th) to watch Jeff Garcia try and bring the birds back. Gonna wear my McNabb No.5 Jersey tho, i know brian feels i'm gonna get me ass kicked in at the stadium ... we'll see.. I'm an Eagles fan, i'm not a pussy to not wear my teams colors......and yes these colors DO run (in case you put bleach on them)

Watching the world pass me

Watching the world pass me ... in slow motion



My mind is wandering,
across the landscape of memories
ones that I have shared and lived
and ones, that i know i will experience

I am on top of the world,
and then down below,
brightness hits my eyes
darkness, here we go

I imagine things that may come
and those im not sure did
I am confused with the reality of it all
confused, as to why I am here

This is not alcohol, this is not another high,
its my mind, and my feelings
just like the evening sun
its gone with the days gone by

Chicago, the apartment and the disappointments

Well, i'm almost done with Chicago and god knows I can't be happier. What with the single digit temperatures and icy cold winds (at 20 below), it was getting a little too "down-low" for my tropical ass.

My apartment woes just began last week with a call from my realtor. Turns out that the leasor/landlord now decided to sell the place because "he needs the money". My take is FUCK YES, but why not do it before you put it on the market as a rental, you stupid fucking time-wasting moron? That would allow us to focus on other locations and not stop searching when we thought we had found the one we liked.

Well I wish them luck, actually i dont. I hope they find a buyer who wastes their time like they did ours .. grrr!!!

More thoughts, this goes out to my wife

I realized that I haven't been connected to my wife for a while now given her travel schedule and work on my side. Something for her to chew on:

You I will always love,
even after the day I am gone,
my one emotion I'll leave behind,
Until again we are one.

My feelings my heart,
will always be in your hands,
thats never going to change
that road has no end.

Your smile I do live for,
your touch and your happiness,
every motion that you go through,
paramount to my existance.

So if you ever see,
those cloudy skies above
just remember that throught thick and thin, through present and past,
you will always have my love.